RAMPAGE: TOTAL DESTRUCTION
Midway, PS2/Gamecube, $20
If you remember the original Rampage, you are officially old-school and should go change your Depends. For all you gaming guppies, the arcade title (originally released in 1986) was a 2D scrolling pixel world with the simplest plot ever–playing as either a giant gorilla, lizard, or werewolf you would have to destroy as many high-rises as possible without getting taken down by helicopters or accidentally electrocuted by people’s toasters. Flash forward 20 years and Midway is bringing back the mind-numbing with Rampage: Total Destruction. The new version is 3D and only slightly more interactive; this means it looks better and you can use numerous objects to wreck shop, but the controls still operate at the slow, sticky speed of the arcade version. The gameplay is pretty simplistic–it’s the number of choices you’re offered that will keep you coming back for more. Play as one of 30 monsters, including the slow-but-buff Kyle the Cyclops, the big-headed flytrap Venus the Plant, and the sticky-tongued Icky the Echidna, who earns bonus points for lapping up New York’s many cockroaches. Cooperative and competitive modes (for two to four players) get the party started, along with a few new combo attacks and bonus challenges. And, should anyone in the room start getting nostalgic, shut them up by loading the o.g. versions of Rampage and Rampage World Tour, which are included with the game. Tyra Bangs

Love: Monster choices, cheap price
Hate: Methodical mashing, sluggish controls
Final word: Same old, same old