TABLE TENNIS
Rockstar, Xbox360, $39.99
The company that popularized running over hookers and got Hilary Clinton’s knickers in a twist with their so-called “hot coffee mod” now brings us a Chinese chick that can do amazing things with a ping-pong ball. Get your mind out of the gutter, sickos! We’re talking about Rockstar Games’ new venture into the exciting world of, uh, table tennis. Table Tennis doesn’t feature bikini-clad players for you to perv-and-volley with; we’re talking about normal “I can’t believe this is an Olympic sport” athletes. And, to be honest, even the Asian in me couldn’t get riled up for this. Table Tennis plays out just like any fun tennis videogame, except on a smaller scale. You choose to play as one of a variety of generic nationalities, such as the angry Frenchie with horrible hair or the mellow Chinaman with Zen-like concentration. The gameplay is simple enough; control your paddle to spank the ball with the analog joystick or use the buttons to go for high-risk shots, such as aiming for the corners or putting some backspin on the ball. When you’re not too busy keeping your eye on the ball, the Xbox360 graphics will surprise you with the smallest details, like the sweat glistening off your dude’s forearm (this will make you even more amazed that people actually sweat while playing table tennis). If you’re going to buy one ping-pong videogame this year, you should pick this up (because it’s the only one). James Lee
www.rockstargames.com

Love: Simplistic and somewhat addictive
Hate: The shame of playing a table tennis videogame
Final word: Strong shot